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Aired on July 15, 1994
BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD WALKING TO STEWART'S HOUSE
Butthead: 'Cuz I heard he's got diarrhea.
Beavis: Oh. Yeah. heh heh
Stuart's mom: Thank you boys for bringing Stewart's homework to school for him. He's sooo sick. He spent all night in the bathroom.
Butthead: Really? Diarrhoea?
Stuart's mom: Yes, I'm afraid so.
Beavis & Butthead: heh heh ..... heh heh (Beavis imitates taking a dump)
Stuart's mom: Now boys.... come on. Say, have you boys eaten breakfast?
Beavis: Ummmmmmmmmm, I think I did once.
Stuart's mom: Well, you can't go to school on an empty stomach. Heeeeere. I made some breakfast burritos for Stewart. He's not feeling well enough to eat.
Butthead: Whoa! Burritos for breakfast!
Beavis: Yeah! Yeah! Cool!
Stuart's mom: You boys eat up. I'm going to check on Stewart. He probably needs more "T.P."
Butthead: Hey, Beavis. Ya think she's gonna put a thermometer up his butt?
Beavis: Yeah! And then she's gonna put it in his mouth!!
Beavis & Butthead: heh heh .... heh heh (eating burritos)
Beavis & Butthead: YEAAAAAAAAAACH! OOOOOOOOOAAH!! GAAAAAG!!
Butthead: What the hell is this crap? Ptui! This isn't a burrito!
Beavis: Yeah. I got eggs in mine! She tricked us!
Butthead: No wonder Stewart's got diarrhea.
Beavis: Yeah. heh heh..... Let's see what else they have.
TAKING ALL THE FOOD FROM THE KITCHEN
Beavis: No way, punk! (Hyper attack)
Butthead: Settle down, Beavis..... pretty cool.
VAN DRIESSEN'S CLASSROOM
Mr. Van Dreesen: It's ironic that we in this country who cherish freedom occasionally support governments who are less responsive to human rights. We're very fortunate.....(FADE OUT)....
Butthead: What's your problem Beavis? Settle down.
Mr. Van Dreesen: ...the struggle for freedom is by no means over. It still goes on today in places like.... Nicaragua... El Salvador... and Panama.
Beavis: (shirt over head) NIC..AR..A..GUA. Agua....Agua for my bunghole.... buunnghooooole!
Mr. Van Dreesen: Beavis! Please sit down...
Beavis: Are you threatening me? I AM CORNHOLIO!
Mr. Van Dreesen: Come on Beavis. Take your seat... Now, technically America is not a democracy but a republic....
Beavis: (to Daria) ...you have T.P.? T.P. for my bunghole?
Daria: Get out of here Beavis.
Beavis: Ummmmmmm. Okay. Heh heh ... heh heh... (walks out of class) I AM CORNHOLIO. I need T.P. for my bunghooooole. Bunghoooole!
Mr. Van Dreesen: Uh... Beavis... where are you going?...... Where did Beavis go?
Butthead: Heh heh ... heh heh... that was cooooool. Heh heh ..
Beavis: (HALLWAY) Bunnnnnghooooole.... heh heh!! (to janitor) I AM CORNHOLIO! I need T.P. for my bunghole. heh..heh..yeah.... heh heh... Hey! Would you like to seeeeee my bunghole? heh heh heh....
Mr. Van Dreesen: Butthead... where did Beavis go?
Butthead: Uhhh... I dunno...
Mr. Van Dreesen: Is Beavis having some kind of a problem I should know about?
Butthead: Uhhhh... he ate like 27 candy bars and then like drank a 6-pack of root beer!
Mr. Van Dreesen: Hmmmmm.... that's strange. I just read about a study that says sugar isn't supposed to cause hyperactivity.
Beavis: (GIRLS RESTROOM) Heh heh.... heh ... ahhhhhhh.... heh heh heh.. yeah! This'll be cool... (enters bathroom) I AM CORNHOLIO!!! Whoa... that was cool heh heh.. I NEED T.P. FOR MY BUNGHOLE!! heh heh COME OUT WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN!! (looks under stalls) Oh... yeah. Uhhh nevermind.
CUT TO SPANISH CLASS
Spanish teacher: Senor Beavis! Donde esta tu hallpass?
Beavis: Are you threatening me? You will give my T.P. ... bungholio!
Spanish teacher: Beavis.... just what in the hell do you think you are doing?
Beavis: DO NOT MAKE MY BUNGHOLE ANGRY! Do you have any oleo?
Spanish teacher: Get the hell outta my class and go straight to the principal's office. NOW!
Beavis: Ummmmmmm.... okay. THE PRINCIPAL.... he will give me T.P.! heh heh I would hate for my bungholio to get polio... Where I come from we have no bunghole... heh heh heh heh
Spanish teacher: "Ahhh, las luces aprendidas, pero nadie en casa....." (The lights are on, but nobody's home....)
CUT TO PRINCIPAL McVICKER'S OFFICE
McVicker: Wait! What was that? Did you just say you were sorry?
Beavis: Ummmmmmmmm..... ummmmmmmmm
McVicker: You did! You just said you were sorry. Uh... didn't you?
Beavis: Uhhhh... yeah. heh heh...
McVicker:(Sad Music) You see! I knew it. You kids have never apologized to me once! Maybe this is a new day for you. Maybe punishment isn't the answer! I'm gonna let you go. Ya know... I'm actually proud of you today. Take some candy with you.... (Beavis leaves)
Secretary: Now, you're going right back to class, right Beavis?
Beavis: Yeah... uhhhhh... no. NO! I must get T.P. for my bunghole! (pulls shirt over head) I am the great Cornholio!!! heh heh .... heh heh
Secretary: Do you need a hall pass?
Beavis: Are you threatening me? heh heh... yeah! I need no hall pass. (Leaves) I heed holio for my bunghole! (WANDERING THE HALLS, SAD MUSIC) I am the great Cornholio! I have no bunghole! BUNGHOLEEEIIIOOOOO! I need T.P. for my bunghole! We are without bungholes!